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Over the weekend another assistant professor volunteers to take care of both children so that Maddock can work. But after a weekend spent mostly at the computer, the realization sets in: she can't possibly finish both applications. The NIH grant has another deadline a few months later. She decides to put that off and finish the American Cancer Society junior faculty award application. That Monday she meets with the members of her laboratory to tell them that she won't be applying for the NIH grant for several more months. She spells out the implications for them: Here's how much this grant is worth. This is when the money would arrive. If I don't have the money to get to this point, here's what will happen. The university urges faculty members like Maddock to develop close relationships with students, but allowing students so much access to one's personal life has a price. Michigan's associate provost Susan Lipschutz calls it a "two-edged sword." "In science, faculty stand side by side with students in the laboratory," Lipschutz says. "Students get the mentoring attention that they often fail to get in other areas of the university." But they also see the life of an academic researcher first-hand, and the experience can leave powerful impressions, both positive and negative. Cinda-Sue Davis, who runs Michigan's Women in Science program, says, "When I talk to [students] about going on to graduate school, they look at me like I'm crazy. They say, "Who would want a life like that?" In Maddock's lab, Vici Blanc, a 23-year-old Ph.D. student, is already rethinking her decision about an academic life. "It's a lot of work. I understand that it's really rewarding. But I want a personal life. I want to be able to go home at night, to see my family if I have one, to see my friends. I want some time for play and time for myself." Jennifer Skidmore stands in stark contrast to Kakuk. At 20 she is still working on her undergraduate degree but already is determined to head toward graduate school and a life in academia. Skidmore has seen the demands of Maddock's life but is not deterred from pursuing a similar dream. "I have such incredible respect and admiration for Janine," Skidmore says. "I wouldn't want to do it the way she does it. But I respect the process of asking questions, the curiosity, the going toward a goal." Maddock is neither surprised nor sorry that the way she lives might discourage others from pursuing similar work. "It's a hard job, and they need to see that. But they also need to see that I love this job, and I wouldn't trade it for anything." Her NIH grant deadline might have passed for a while, but Maddock is still in her laboratory until midnight at least two nights a week. Along with the demands of teaching, mentoring, and advising, she is trying to find the time to be a scientist again, doing her own work at the bench. "My life is exactly as I predicted," she says. "This is the worst year of my life in terms of work and productivity." Yet she also knows that her situation is transitory. "It's going to get easier. Not everything will always be this new. This is just a rite of passage I need to go through." A few months later Maddock's words prove prophetic when she receives an ACS junior faculty award. The award—$30,000 a year for three years—recognizes her potential as a scientist as well as her specific research plans. "To say she is happy about this," says a friend, "is sheer understatement. She's had a hellish winter and had just about given up hope when she got the call." Maddock laughs that now "I may actually get a paycheck this summer." The award will make it easier for her to work in the laboratory and think about teaching, to bake cookies with her children, and to revive her NIH grant proposal. "It's really nice to get a pat on the back," she says. "It confirms that the University of Michigan made the right choice when they hired me. I don't know how to explain why I do this except that I love it." |
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he grant applications Maddock needs to support her laboratory are due
in about two weeks, and it is becoming clear that she is not going to be
able to finish them on time. One day she is interrupted by a call from Jenny's
school. Her daughter is sick and needs to be picked up. The next morning
Jenny is too sick to return to school, so both of them stay home—Jenny
in bed and Maddock at her computer, once again working on her applications.
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